Monday, December 2, 2013

Dating back in the summer of '08

Wow. I used to stare at the pictures from this beach trip and day dream. I would sit and wonder what our lives would look like in five years. I would sit and hope for what I wanted in five years. We were headed into our junior year of college. Both starting on sports teams, you baseball, me soccer. If we weren't on the field or in class, everyone knew we were together. This is how we wanted it and we quite well told ourselves we had time for no one else. It was such a powerful infatuation we had. Remember that resistant pull that came when saying bye almost every night before heading to our own dorm. I thought that "feeling" would never go away, therefore, I would never have time for people. Knowing life, and that living had a price, deep down I really would hope that we might even "work" together. Maybe our occupations would somehow bring social work and business together into some ministry or organization where we could make money and be with other people all the while our passion for each other could still grow in it's infatuation. ppppppffff!! OHH YOUNG LOVE. So deep and self sacrificing.. 

...or was it...I got to thinking today, that it has been five years since this laboring in endless daydreams began. Noway did it turn out how I imagined. Noway did my will and ways unfold before me, and today I get to REJOICE in that!!! Little did I know that sickness would come shortly after honeymooning. Little did I know that the cause for sickness would be pregnancy! God knew that despite our "time for no one else", he would make time for others. And let me tell you, not just a go see others on my free time a couple times a week. This "other" would be an all consuming baby. So right off the bat, God loved us too much to give us our way. 

Your occupation became very  full time in order to pay bills. You chose to work two jobs and let me stay home and raise our child. This is sacrifice. This is deep love. The doing kind. Not the daydreaming self gratifying kind. 
My occupation quickly became raising a baby that screamed for mommy. Not daddy who could not nurse. Mommy. MOMMY. All day long during those first months. We barely had time to get out our wedding thank yous. This baby didn't have the courtesy of giving us some privacy or alone time when we needed it most. She didn't allow us date nights without a price. Sacrifice. 

Sitting here presently the keyboard is  literally being kicked by our third. He has 2 months until he enters the world. I am being interupted by our two year old right now who woke from her nap. Our lives have lots to attend to and we feel stretched so tight and thin at times... But does this effect our love negatively? Just this past month was filled with pregnancy hormones, loud chaotic holidays, tired and stuffy nosed bodies zipped into footie pajamas, tears of repented misunderstanding between two different schedules.  

I think quite the opposite now, as I daydream of five years from now. The times I have felt your love the most deeply and sacrificially has been in the times of need. It has been when my cup is empty and you fill it. Weather its words from your devotional time or when you take over the dishes for me. It's times when your cup is empty and tho I could act as tho mine was, I deny myself and fill yours anyway. That deep moment when you wake up to tend to a cry in the middle of the night so that I can sleep despite the fact that you have to leave for work a few hours later. Moments of infatuation have come these past five years, but this is not where the weight has come in our relationship. It's the "doing" love  that has shown me the God you serve. 

Thank you for showing me the love of God these past five years. Thank you God for putting children in our lives and knowing what's best for Roy and I. Please help us to continue to strive for these deep love moments. Rather than thinking we have no time for people, remind us that being used by you in other lives (little and big) is what brings servant hood in our own relationship with eachother.

Us five years more in love :)

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